why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
