I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
