yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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