I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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