Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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