just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
