I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
