yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
