im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
