If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
