so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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