I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
