just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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