Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
