I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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