Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
