I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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