ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
