i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
