I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
