I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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