Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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