Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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