I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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