y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
