i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
