what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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