ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
