Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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