He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
