I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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