i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
