There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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