hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
