Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
