i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
