Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
