Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize