We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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