jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
