...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
