Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
