i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
