hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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