1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
