I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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