i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize