All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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