The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
