I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
