about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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