So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize