Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
