We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
