shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
