the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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