You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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