I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
