Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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