Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
