she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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