I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
