try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
