Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
