and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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