he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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