I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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