Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
