okay pat passed out under dana's car
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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