My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
