singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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