I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
