i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
