It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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