man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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