thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
