walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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